Couples Counselling in Papamoa & Tauranga

Our first session is about getting to know each other. We’ll talk about what has brought you to counselling, what has been happening in your relationship, and what you would like to be different.

It’s also a chance for us to see whether we’re a good fit. You need to feel comfortable with me and how I work, and I need to feel that I’m the right person to support you.

After our first session, we’ll each have an individual session. This gives me the opportunity to get to know each of you better and hear your experience of the relationship in your own words.

We then come back together and begin looking more closely at the patterns you find yourselves caught in, including the negative cycle that can develop between you. From there, we work towards greater understanding, connection and a different way of relating to each other.

No.

I don’t take sides. I work for your relationship.

My role isn’t to decide who is right or wrong, or who is to blame. I want to understand both of you and what is happening between you.

Often, couples can become caught in a cycle where each person feels hurt, misunderstood or defensive. Rather than focusing on who started it or who is right, we work together to understand the cycle and find a way out of it.

After our first session together, I meet with each of you individually.

These sessions give us some space to get to know each other and for you to share your experience of the relationship in your own words. We’ll also spend some time exploring your history, including important relationships and experiences that have shaped how you connect with others.

In particular, I’m interested in understanding your attachment history — the experiences that have influenced how you experience closeness, trust, conflict, vulnerability and connection in relationships.

This isn’t about finding fault or deciding who is right or wrong. It helps me understand each of you more fully, and gives us a deeper understanding of what you each bring into the relationship.

What we learn in these individual sessions then supports the work we do together as a couple.

This is actually one of the reasons couples come to counselling.

You may find yourselves having the same argument about different things, or notice that once something starts, you seem to follow a familiar pattern. One person might pursue, while the other withdraws. One becomes frustrated, the other becomes defensive. Before long, neither of you feels heard.

Together, we'll slow this pattern down and identify the negative cycle you find yourselves caught in. Understanding the cycle can help you see that the two of you aren't necessarily the problem — the pattern between you is.

From there, we can start working towards responding to each other differently.

No.

You don't have to be at breaking point to come to couples counselling. Some couples come because they're struggling with ongoing conflict or disconnection, while others simply want to strengthen their relationship and understand each other better.

You might have noticed that something has changed between you, that you're struggling to communicate, or that you keep getting stuck in the same patterns.

You don't need to wait until things become unbearable before asking for support.

It’s quite common for couples to arrive with different levels of enthusiasm about counselling.

One of you might be ready to make changes, while the other might be unsure whether counselling will help. That's okay.

Our first session is an opportunity to talk about what's happening and what each of you hopes for. You don't both need to arrive feeling exactly the same way for us to start exploring whether couples counselling might be helpful.

That's okay too.

You don't have to arrive at counselling already communicating perfectly. In fact, the way you interact with each other in the room can help us understand the patterns you're getting caught in.

My role is to help slow things down, create enough space for both of you to be heard, and help us understand what is happening underneath the argument.

I draw primarily on Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) and attachment-based approaches when working with couples.

Rather than focusing only on the content of an argument, we look at the pattern underneath it — what happens between you, what each of you is needing, and how you respond when you feel hurt, disconnected or threatened.

The aim is to develop a better understanding of the cycle you're caught in and work towards greater safety, connection and responsiveness in your relationship.

There isn't a set number of sessions that works for every couple.

Some couples come with a specific issue they want to work through, while others have patterns that have developed over many years. We'll regularly check in about how things are going and what you feel you need.

My aim isn't to keep you in counselling indefinitely. It's to support you in making meaningful changes in your relationship.